Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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