Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
