all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
