I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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