The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
