you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
