i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
