This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
