I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
