I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
