Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
