i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
