Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
