i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
