Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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