dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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