she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
