I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
