I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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