Betty ford says i'm here all night
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
