dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
