Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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