When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize