After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
