I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Is Oprah even human
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
