I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
