Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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