Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
