I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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