So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Ketchup is God's man juice
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
