I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
