A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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