Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
