And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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