I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
