Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
