I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
