i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
