I'm lost and stupid without you.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
