summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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