the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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