It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
