I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
