think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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