Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
