Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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