So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just google imaged poop.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
