he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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