Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
