I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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