Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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