2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
