So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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