What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
