I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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