So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
