I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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