Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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