I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
