You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
