I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
