you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
