a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
