So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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