you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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