I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
dude. I can hear the air.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
