i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
