Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
