woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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