Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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