Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize