my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
