when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
