you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
