Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
