Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
