If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
